The Mystery of the Missing Clothes
by Juliana Brandagamba
Summary: Arthur's clothes have all vanished and Merlin and Gwen are the only ones who can be bothered to look for them. But the mystery might be deeper than it seems at first. This is set in the earlier seasons when the plot was allowed to be a bit more silly.


'Merlin?'

The young man stirred briefly, turned over and pretended he was still asleep.

'Merlin, for goodness' sake – wake up!'

The voice of Gaius cut through Merlin's dreams like a particularly sharp scythe, much to his utter dismay. His sleep, the best he had had in ages, had been punctuated by the most magnificent and vivid dreams. The latest one, in which he had managed to turn King Arthur into an array of strange creatures, faded; Arthur the toad dissolved from view and resolved into Gaius' face. For a moment Merlin wasn't sure of the difference; soon the room stopped being blurry, however, and allowed him to see clearly.

'Morning, Gaius,' Merlin yawned, stretching widely. Why couldn't it be Sunday? He hated mornings, and particularly ones in which he had to make Arthur's breakfast. 'What time is it?'

'Late enough,' Gaius scolded him. 'I've got you a slice of bread on the table. You've just got time to eat it before Arthur needs you.'

'Coming,' Merlin said as Gaius made to leave the room. Once the court physician was out of view, Merlin flopped back onto his pillow. If he could just sneak another few minutes of sleep…

'Oh yes,' said Gaius, coming back in, 'there are reports of obscure happenings in one of the outlying villages. The King is sceptical, but I suspect sorcery.'

_Sorcery! _Just the mention of the word made Merlin leap out of bed, all tiredness lost. 'Are you serious?'

'No,' laughed Gaius, his eyes twinkling, 'but it got you out of bed!'

* * *

'What d'you want for breakfast?' Merlin asked cheerily, pulling the covers off Arthur's bed. Arthur groaned and tried to pull them back but Merlin held on tight.

'Is there a choice today?' said Arthur.

'Same as yesterday, or the same as the day before,' replied Merlin.

'So there isn't a choice.'

'I told you,' said Merlin, 'it's winter nearly. There isn't enough fruit for you to have some every meal. It's been really bad weather. So it'll have to be cheese on toast again, I'm afraid.'

Once again Arthur sighed and fell back onto his bed, before resigning himself to his fate and getting up. 'Very well. But can you tell the kitchen maids to only toast one side if they're going to burn it as badly as they do?'

'Oh, come on,' Merlin protested, being quite sympathetic with all of the castle servants, 'it isn't as bad as you say, surely.'

At this, Arthur raised one eyebrow. 'Would I lie to you, Merlin?'

Merlin decided not to answer that one.

* * *

When Merlin returned with the breakfast, Arthur was nowhere to be seen. He looked over the other side of the bed, and suddenly he was greeted by a pair of feet retreating from underneath. From the smell of it, he guessed – rightly, as it turned out – that they belonged to Arthur.

'Arthur, why…' Merlin let the sentence hang in the air as Arthur shuffled forwards and emerged, covered in dust and moth-balls.

'Having fun?' Merlin asked at length, perplexed.

'No!' cried Arthur. 'All of my clothes have vanished. I think they've been stolen!'

'Weird,' Merlin said. 'Who'd want _your_ clothes?'

Arthur scowled at him, but it was impossible to look fearsome in a vest and underwear. 'You haven't had something to do with it, have you?'

'Nope.'

After a moment spent scrutinising Merlin's face, Arthur decided that his servant was telling the truth. 'Well, I'll have to borrow something, because I have important business to attend to this morning. Business that can't be conducted in this!'

'Oh,' said Merlin, his smile fading at the reality of the situation. 'I can lend you something…'

For a moment, Arthur glared at his servant, completely fed up with his joking manner; then he realised that for once Merlin wasn't joking. 'I'll borrow something. But not something of yours. I can't wear _your _clothes for an official meeting!'

Merlin shrugged, spent of ideas.

'What about something of Gaius's?'

Arthur started to walk out the door, and bumped into a serving-girl, who squealed and nearly dropped her basket of laundry. Arthur remembered too late that he was half-naked.

'Merlin, go and fetch something of… something of Gaius' that's fairly smart – and would suit me, would you? Not that you'd know anything about fashion,' he muttered under his breath.

Merlin, chuckling quietly, dashed out of the room, all jacket and trousers flapping, glad that he was actually wearing something.

* * *

'Gaius, Arthur needs to borrow some of your clothes!' cried Merlin, coming like a whirlwind into the court physician's quarters.

Looking up briefly from a test tube he was holding, Gaius frowned. 'Why's that?'

'All of his have vanished,' replied Merlin panting, and came to a halt by the desk, nearly knocking over a glass jar with a strange brown liquid in it. 'Except his night-clothes.'

'Have a look in the cupboard over there.' Gaius was so engrossed with his task that he didn't stop for a moment and think about the odd request that Merlin had just put to him.

Merlin searched through Gaius' wardrobe, wondering whether some of these clothes had been fashionable before the Romans invaded, and tried to find something that would both suit Arthur and be suitable for an important meeting. It was not an easy task. All of the clothes Gaius owned were covered in chemical stains or moth balls, or both.

At last Merlin fished out a long blue robe which didn't seem to be tatty, the wrong size or just extremely dated. That would be fine… wouldn't it?

Not sure if he wanted to know the answer, Merlin ran off to find it out.

* * *

'Seriously, Merlin?' Arthur said in that annoying sarcastic voice of his.

Merlin nodded. Actually, despite all of his complaints, Arthur really suited the robe. 'You did tell me to get something of Gaius's. Anyway, it looks very…regal.'

Twirling around in his new attire, Arthur studied his reflection once more and forced himself to smile. 'Now, I have an important meeting this morning, and I also need breakfast. Oh, and Merlin, would you mind solving the mystery of the missing clothes?'

'Me? They're your clothes,' Merlin protested.

'Well, this is hardly questing gear,' Arthur retorted with a grin. Things were going exactly the way he wanted. He should get his clothes stolen more often. 'See you later, Merlin. I have things to do.'

Defeated, but in good humour, Merlin left the room and began his sleuthing.

* * *

The first person Merlin met was Gwaine, who was staggering down the corridor with a slightly glazed expression in his eyes. However, when he spotted his friend, he smiled and wiped the dust from his eyelids.

'Morning, Merlin! How are you?'

'Fine; you?' Merlin asked, hoping that Gwaine would either tell him something useful or leave him alone. That or help him; he wondered if Gwaine would be willing to go on such a pointless mission.

'I'm awful. I woke up at the Rising Sun this morning and I've no idea what I was doing there.'

Merlin hid a grin. He knew precisely what Gwaine would have been doing at Camelot's tavern, home to the best beer in all of Albion. 'So you wouldn't know if someone came into the castle last night and stole all of Arthur's clothes?'

'No clue, Merlin. Sorry.' Gwaine smiled apologetically and started to move on. 'Wait – did you say somebody's stolen Arthur's _clothes_?'

'Yes, I did. Long story. Anyway – who was on duty outside the King's chambers last night?'

Looking slightly crestfallen, Gwaine said, 'Don't know that either. I don't know anything that happened after about – well, curfew last night.'

With a chuckle Merlin bade goodbye to his friend, regretting being unable to stay and talk. Gwaine was amusing, it was true – but he was never very helpful when Merlin was on official business.

* * *

If he had been searching properly, Merlin might have turned the entire castle upside-down (and perhaps quite literally) to find the clothes. However, it was not worth devoting his attention to and so, after talking to almost everyone he could name (mostly about things other than clothes), drinking at least three cups of herbal tea in various people's quarters and having a bit of a look, he returned to Arthur's chamber with negative results.

Arthur, as expected, was grumpy, not least because the meeting had been rather an uninteresting and fruitless one.

'No luck?' he asked in disappointment.

'Nope,' replied Merlin.

Arthur sniffed. 'We'll have to go out and look then. Have you found a trail that we can follow?'

'Not a trace,' responded Merlin.

Arthur put his head on one side and looked at Merlin in something close to amusement. 'What _have_ you been doing all morning?'

Just then there was a knock on the door. 'Arthur? May I come in?' The bedroom door opened; no answer was awaited. It was Guinevere, Arthur's girlfriend, known as Gwen by most people.

'Morning, Gwen,' said Merlin cheerily.

'Apparently you're looking for some clothes,' Gwen said, addressing both Merlin and Arthur.

Arthur came to greet her and showed her what he was wearing. 'Well, yes.'

Gwen stifled a laugh. It was weird how much Gaius' clothes suited Arthur. 'It doesn't look too bad. Anyone who's never met you wouldn't know that it's unusual.'

To this Arthur could find no surly retort, because he knew that Gwen was absolutely right; besides, he hadn't the time to argue. So he just raised his eyebrow in a very annoyed fashion, and left. Behind his back, Merlin and Gwen exchanged grins as they watched him swish away.

'I haven't heard anything from anyone,' Gwen said, talking about the mystery, 'but I'll help you find out, if you like.'

Merlin's smile enlarged twofold in gratitude. 'Thanks, Gwen.'

* * *

The two servants decided to be strategic and begin with the guards. If anyone had entered the castle under cover of night, the knights on duty would have been the most likely witnesses. Nobody seemed to have seen anything – or that was their impression until they questioned Sir Leon.

'Stolen Arthur's clothes, you say?' he pondered. 'That's curious. I was on duty outside his chambers last night, and I thought I saw something – but I couldn't see anything in the corridor after that, or round the corner, so I put it down to imagination. Night duty sends your head a bit funny sometimes.'

'I can imagine,' replied Merlin, whose night-time adventures had now become uncountable.

'But now you say someone's robbed the King… I don't understand how they could have got in; perhaps they went in through the window.'

'And out through the door?' asked Gwen.

'I have no idea,' said Leon, worried now as the events of last night unfolded themselves into something that made even less sense. 'Perhaps whatever I saw has nothing to do with it. I'm sorry; I can't tell you any more.'

'You've told us more than anyone else,' Gwen assured him. 'Thank you, Leon.'

'More than the knights on duty in the courtyard outside told us,' muttered Merlin as the pair set off again. 'That's weird. Must have been a skilled burglar – or – '

Gwen turned to him as he fell silent. 'Or what?'

Her friend shrugged. 'I was going to say "or there was magic involved", but that's just silly.'

'No, it's not,' said Gwen, a half-smile on her face. 'We have to consider everything – no matter how silly. Camelot has seen stranger.'

Merlin had to concede that Gwen was, as usual, right; though something quite so odd as a magical being stealing Arthur's clothes hadn't happened in quite a long while.

* * *

Their next move was to question the knights on duty beneath the window of Arthur's chambers. Two men had been on careful watch – but not careful enough, as it turned out.

'Someone got into Arthur's chambers, you say?' the first one said. 'Have you asked Leon about it?'

'Yes,' sighed Gwen and Merlin at the same time. 'But we think that whoever it was got in through the window,' added Gwen.

'Or _what_ever it was,' chipped in Merlin.

The knights gave him a strange look.

'We think there might be magic involved,' he said. 'But we can't be sure. Anyway, did you see anyone – any_thing_ – last night?'

'Can't say I did,' said the first knight. 'Did you, Thomas?'

Thomas rubbed his temples. 'Nope. Have you told the King that it might be magic?'

'Not yet,' said Merlin, wondering if Arthur would think it was as madcap an idea as he had thought it. 'Well, if you remember anything, tell us.'

They said goodbye to the knights, thanking them even though they had been no help. Just as they were out of earshot Merlin groaned. 'That's the problem with guards,' he said suddenly. 'They never look up.'

'Up… Ah!' said Gwen, realising.

'Whoever it was could have got past them easily,' Merlin said. 'And if they had magic… well, there probably wouldn't have been anything to see anyway. This is going to be tough.'

Gwen had to agree with him. 'No trace, no sightings…'

'There's only one thing for it,' said Merlin.

'What?' asked Gwen, newly intrigued.

'Lunch,' decided Merlin. 'I'm starving.'

* * *

Gwen and Merlin fuelled themselves with as much as the kitchens would give them. Merlin had got rather good at this – he had found that he only had to tell Philippa, one of the cooks, that he was worn out from his hard work all morning and he would get a pork pie, a block of cheese, or perhaps a plate of fruit if it was in season. Eliciting sympathy from servants wasn't too hard if you were one.

Munching on the food, they headed back to Arthur's quarters to give him the news. There wasn't all that much of it, they found when they retold what they had found out (or not).

At the end they decided that they should tell him their theory about magic being involved.

'But that's ridiculous,' said Arthur.

'Yes,' said Merlin. 'But it's the best I can come up with.'

'That's not saying much,' Arthur chuckled. 'But we can't say it's magic unless we have solid proof, and as far as we know this person was only after my clothes. Most magicians are after the kingdom.'


End file.
